Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes
directions: read these outloud
(English Phrase) I think you need a facelift
(Chinese Phrase) Chin Tu Fat
(English Phrase) Are you hiding a fugitive?
(Chinese Phrase) Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me A.S.A.P.
Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man
Dum Gai
Small Horse
Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach?
Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table
Ai Bang Mai Ni
It's very dark in here
Wai So Dim
This is a tow away zone
No Pah King
You are not very bright
Yu So Dum
I got this for free
Ai No Pei
I am not guilty!
Wai Hang Mi?
Please stay a while longer
Wai Go Nao?
They have arrived
Hai Dei Kum.
Stay out of sight
Lei Lo
He's cleaning his automobile
Wa Sing Ka.
Your body odor is offensive
Yu Stin Ki
I thought you were on a diet?
Wai Yu Mun Ching?
Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomachache and my legs hurt. I not come work."
The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. Makes everything better and I can go to work. You try."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."
On the Way to Prison
Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated.
On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?"
The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Grandma Moses of Jail."
Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?"
The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire, gin, and any number of games."
The third convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?"
The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said, "I brought these."
The other two were puzzled and asked, "What can you do with those?"
He grinned and pointed to the box and said, "Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating...." | 
